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well, at long last, I found a solution to this ongoing problem. PAY ATTENTION CONNECTWISE!

link here: https://www.amyuni.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3030

but since I am sure this will be the workaround for another 6+ years, and that link will probably die, here are the details:

Amyuni has a virtual usb display driver, available here: https://www.amyuni.com/downloads/usbmmidd_v2.zip

unzip that file, open an admin command prompt, go to the folder where you unzipped it all and run:

  • deviceinstaller64 install usbmmidd.inf usbmmidd

and then:

  • deviceinstaller64 enableidd 1

now you can select a resolution other than 640x480, because there is a virtual monitor that screenconnect can see.

EDIT: I've found that this doesnt survive a reboot, but is repeatable, so at worst it could be scripted upon startup. I am sure someone else will find a better way to invoke this on demand.

(if that usbmmiidd_v2.zip link dies, search for virtual display drivers. if that doesnt work, message me and i'll post it somewhere accessible)